What prevents us from being the best us? Is it external factors? Or maybe the result of succumbing to the long wear and tear of life? Or it could be personality traits that are getting in the way? Maybe it’s simply the excuses that we make for ourselves. Or maybe, there is no “best self,” there is only the us that is here now. I think we all like to pad room in our lives for a better us, the selves that we could possibly be one day, and that’s healthy. We all need something to encourage us to move forward in a positive direction. If we woke up one day and discovered that this is how good we are ever going to get, what would make us strive to be more, to be better? 

Don’t worry, I’m not going to launch into my new self-help book, listing the ten easy steps that will turn your life around and send you to a path of sainthood. I’m genuinely asking the questions: How do we get better and why do we even try? What is the purpose of getting better? I guess a lot of this gets into the nitty-gritty of morals and values, which isn’t the direction that I’m taking for this post. I want to know what prevents us from being successful when we know what it takes to get there. Why are we our own worst enemies?

I feel like my own life is riddled with missed opportunities and things I didn’t take advantage of. I think about decade long problems that I have the tools to solve. As much as I would like to scream to the world, “Why am I like this?” I know it isn’t a “me” issue. We all suck at being better. If we were good at it, we wouldn’t need self-help books, seminars, trainers, life-coaches, and the list goes on. But maybe the issue doesn’t entirely fall solely on us. Maybe a part of the need to be better is arbitrary in the grand scheme of life. I think that the societal need to better and to be the best is holding us back from moving forward. Maybe what we have and what we do, at the rate that we are doing it, is fine.

I think that we need to ask ourselves why we want to be better at x task. There will, and should be, plenty of reasons as to why being better at x would be beneficial, but not all the answers will be the ones that bring purpose and true value to our lives. If this is hard for you to do, I then suggest that you try taking out other people from the equation. I think a lot of our goals are rooted in competition and comparison. For example, you want to be the best at x so you can beat everyone else. Would you still do x if you didn’t have anyone to compete with? Even more, would you still do x if no one in the world knew that you did it? Or maybe you’re striving for y because everyone in your family did or that’s what affluent people do. If y brought you the same financial gain as a different goal or job, would you still want it? What if you couldn’t tell anyone that you did y? 

To no fault entirely our own, I think that some of our goals and needs for success are wrapped tightly around societal norms, external expectations, and toxic-based competition. The need to get better should be based on the need for joy and long-term gratification. Maybe shifting our values and perspectives on the things we want to excel at may result in a more self-motivated us. We choose to eat better to become healthier, rather than the benefit of how other people view our bodies. We choose to work our way up the corporate ladder because we have the natural ability to lead and face challenges, rather than looking for a big paycheck. Of course, like everything in life, this is easier said than done, but the act of making goals with intention couldn’t hurt.