As we go through life we make tears. Some are small and some are large. Some are made by us and some are made by others. They are all there waiting for us to mend them, and we will for some, but not for all. There are some tears that we don’t even realize are there, at least, not until later. The issue with tears is that it gives way for spills, and we are most efficient and most happy when we can hold ourselves together completely.  

Unknowingly, I started to make an effort to mend as much as could in the past few years. It isn’t until recently that I realized what I was doing. I hadn’t noticed how many tears that were there but even more so, I hadn’t noticed how many I thought I had repaired. I guess at one point they were mended, but only as a temporary fix. A bandaid, when in reality, I needed stitches.

As I went along in my journey, I focused on things that felt tender. I thought about the people that exist, but no longer in my immediate life. I had an intense need to reach out and connect. Things that mattered were slipping away, and even though I tried to develop a shell to protect myself from pain, I mistakenly thought that being alone was the safest way. I was so wrong. 

The beautiful thing about humanity is that so many of us are willing to forgive and make amends. I pushed forward with one thought in my mind, “I am sorry.” And I was. I was sorry that I let so many important, beautiful people leave my life. Sorry that I pushed these people away. Sorry that I caused pain and sorry for the lost time. But time, albeit a clique, is such a gift. Time allowed me to look at my tears, at my mistakes, and want to do better. 

The funny thing about journeys, though, is it makes you realize how much farther is still have to go, but that’s okay. While fixing previous mistakes, I am less reluctant to make the same mistakes. People should not be fleeting moments of time. People are important. People matter, for you, for me, for them. It’s ironic thinking about it now, but I never look at someone who is alone, and think, “I am so jealous of them.” I do, however, quite frequently, look at those surrounded by loved ones and think, “I want that for me.” 

Loneliness is an epidemic, a pandemic, a global crisis. Loneliness, is a killer. It causes people to jump, pull the trigger, retreat. It digs an early grave. I grew up in loneliness, in anger, in isolation. I think it taught me how much I crave I connection, but it also had lingering impacts, most notably anger. The best solution to anger is forgiveness. I know many angry people that disagree, but I always feel so much better when I release that hold. So I will continue to move forward in life, tending to the tears that I make along the way.